My birthday went nothing like I planned but hey,  I can’t complain much. I’ve learned to stop making plans with people because people are unreliable and will only let you down. I just go with the flow now. AND I still ended up surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful club in the most beautiful city in the world.  It’s all gravy baby, life’s lovely.

The crowd wasn’t exactly my scene but the club was amazing; you got the most incredible view of New York from a wall/ceiling that was made of windows -  dope!

I just remembered this guy was cute! At the time, I thought my vision was blurred by alcohol so I didn’t give him my number but now I remember that he actually was cute! Ugh, another one bites the dust. Unless any of you recognize him. I’m just sayin. Lol.

@sweetcheeks23, @tinkernat, @alexisbelon and @ms_honey_dip!

Finally 21 ;] The best part of your birthday is seeing who doesn’t hit you up to wish you a happy one. It’s no deal breaker, but it definitely matters. It’s the day you came into this world, and a day all of your loved ones should appreciate and want to celebrate. Birthdays are always important to me, and I always make sure to let my friends and family know just how glad I am that they were born on their special day. Other than that, the gifts, and the partying, that reminder of being one year closer to death can get super depressing and you start realizing just how short life is and how much you want to do. If you are over 21, what do you wish you could have told your 21-year-old self? If you are under 21, what do you want to have accomplished or figured out by the time you hit that age? And if you’re in New York, come see me tonight. Follow me on twitter to find out what club I’ll be at.

Ok fine… I’ll admit it; it’s actually 4 or 5 questions short of 50 because a few got cut out during the editing process. I’m certain that no one would’ve actually sat there and counted to make sure I answered 50 questions exactly but I just couldn’t live with a lie! This vlogging style isn’t really the main type of videos I want to be doing and I’m so ready to start my maestro knows-esque series ‘Infinity and Belon’ and my bucket list series but at least this is a little something ! The biggest thing preventing me from doing the type of videos I want is this laptop of mine; it lags, overheats and refuses to allow me to intricately edit videos in the way that I want. I really hope I get an external hard drive for my birthday next thursday and I hope that helps somewhat. Anyway, enjoy the video and I hope it gives you a little more insight to who I am. If you have a youtube account, please comment there, not here. If not, then leave your feedback here!

*thanks to Joyce for helping me come to this revelation & inspiring this post. ilu.

I never can admit that I’m wrong; ever. Mostly because I don’t believe that I’m ever wrong but on the off chance that I am, I’m incredibly manipulative enough to twist and turn the situation until you believe I’m right. I could convince you the sky was red if I wanted. I spent my entire teenage years playing the diplomatic girl who seemed to manage to stay friends with everyone amidst all the drama when in reality, I was the one starting it all. I’ve also always been exceptionally good at making people feel subordinate because I believe I’m so fucking above everyone else. The music I listen to is the best, the food I eat is the best, the clubs I go to are the best, the books I read are the best and anything contrary to this is by some means beneath me. I’m so beautiful, well-rounded, intelligent, passionate and everyone else needs to step their game up or “get on my level”. Ironically, I hate pretentious people.

I’ve been ‘the other woman’ before. I was just young, dumb and full of cum. It was a mistake, but not a drunken one night mistake, a long two year mistake that I’ll forever regret. I’m far too available to men. Particularly, emotionally unavailable men. I am, by no means, easy… but when I like someone, I give them my all. Possibly why no one wants me; nobody wants something they don’t have to earn. I don’t make friends easily, only because I find most people too be completely moronic but even when I do make some, I don’t keep them. I haven’t called my “best friend” in nearly a year. My biggest fear is that I won’t live up to my potential and yet I continue to let opportunities pass me by. I am so lazy and such a wasted talent. I’m very envious, not of what I can’t have, but mostly what I know I am capable of. These are my confessions. I’ve never seen them fully written, staring so contemptuously back at me. I’m validating them, making them real by writing them down and acknowledging that I need to change in order for myself to grow.

There’s this false sense of self-righteousness bloggers tend to feel because so many of our loyal readers jump to our defense and agree w/ everything we say. I’m not implying that our avid readers are “brainwashed” but since they’re drawn to our small space on the web, they probably share many common interests with us and therefore a lot of the same opinions. That’s the flaw in this particular form of self-expression. Bias. It’s nearly impossible to have a progressive debate on any site when the general consensus of whatever the topic is will always lean towards the bloggers argument. It prevents us from taking constructive criticism and growing from it and we lack the ability to consider another point of view which I think is a flaw. So we walk around with our nose in the air because everytime someone dared to disagree with us, we had a bunch of cheerleaders backing us up and therefore we must be right, we must be perfect… Well I’m not perfect and I’d rather not continue on without recognizing there’s things that I need to change to be a better person…

So what are your flaws? What are some things you’d like to change about yourself? What’s some things you think I need to change about myself? And remember, there’s a difference between constructive criticism and being a douchebag.

Download S.U.P.A. – The Expressionist.

I really love this kid’s mixtape because he brings me back to that old school 90′s hip hop feel. When hip hop was wildly diverse and often directionless, in the best sense of both words. I don’t think he intentionally made it have that vibe to it, but it does and it’s nostalgic and refreshing at the same time. Plus you all know how I feel about the 90′s. It doesn’t matter what category you look at; the 90′s were superior to the 00′s in every conceivable way. From entertainment to politics, from fashion to slang, there’s just no comparison. But especially music and more specifically, hip hop. I’m not sure if it’s ever going to get back to what it was. S.U.P.A. says it’s because they didn’t have a blueprint … hmm.. I might have to agree with that. What do you all think?

Anyway, back to the mixtape…it’s really good and I know you all are confident enough in my taste in music to trust that I’d never steer you wrong. I haven’t cosigned an artist yet that hasn’t turned out to be great. So download it now just so you can be able to say “I been up on this” when everyone else catches on ;] Let me know what you all think.

PS – Happy Earth Day ! Another excuse to listen to an epic MJ song/video. Lol. No but seriously, you all know how much I love the earth so take care of my baby <3