I know you guys are patiently waiting for me to write something profound and obscure about love, growth and relationships like the good old days, and eventually, I will. Just not today. There just isn’t anyone in my life right now that evokes that kind of emotion to stir up enough passion within me to write. And quite frankly, a relationship is last on my priority list at this point in my life and merely means having someone to share pregnancy scares with. Not my cup of tea. I have bigger things to worry about…
As I browse the internet, I can’t help but wish the biggest problem in my life was my significant other, a frilly four letter word, or what color I’m going to paint my nails tonight. That’s not to imply that any of your problems are less important than mine, I just wish they were mine. I hate that the biggest thing on my mind is where I’m going to be living next week, (I’m honestly not sure yet), how I’m going to eat, etc. I know a lot of you complain about your parents, and I’m sure it IS difficult, but man, I’d KILL to have parents that allow me to live rent free as I go to school and work. That’s just so amazing. I’m def going to make sure my kids have that luxury before I even have any.
Being whimsical about life and couch surfing is fun at times. It always reminds me of what Jack said in Titanic – I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count. – And that’s exactly how I feel most times. Down to a tee.
But other times, it’s such a burden. My nomadic nature caused me to have extensive experience in making and losing friends. I keep emotions and friendships very detached. I can just as easily walk out of your life if I’ve known you 10 years or 10 days. I attach myself to no one. Which is possibly why I’ll end up alone.
Not to mention the countless clothes, shoes, and belongings I lose from moving around so much. I need clothes!
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:49 pm
You need a book deal… on the real!!
What size shoes do you wear?
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February 3rd, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Eight.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 6:20 pm
forgive me if i’m about to sound cheesy or whatnot, but this is from the bottom of the heart:
you are such a dope individual miss belon. you have so much strength and you are so relatable. i definitely feel you on how you have in a sense ‘bigger fish to fry’ when it comes to life and people sometimes don’t understand it and dismiss your problems.in my life, it’s been that way or it’s been people trying to fight my battles for me and making it about themselves. either way, i hate it. as you said in one of your videos, somebody’s worst is their worst.
honestly, you are my inspiration to keep going in life and following my dreams, no matter what someone tells me. i hope you have that same spark. keep your head high and be happy you’re not in a box. you are a brave soul.
sorry for the rant. lol.
ps– im the one who wrote about the care packages and i would send you stuff you need whether it be clothes, shoes, etc.
take care of yourself out here.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Wow. Thanks. I can’t express how much solace a comment like that brings me.Hearing that I’m a complete strangers inspiration to keep going in life just made my freaking day ! My only purpose in life is to inspire, and to have accomplished that with atleast one person brings me joy. You’re the best.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 9:12 pm
This was pretty real. A lot of stuff people (like me ) take for granted, like knowing that I’ll always have somewhere to stay.
I hope your issues get resolved, as soon as possible. :]
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February 3rd, 2010 at 9:40 pm
I obviously can’t promise that things’ll get better, but I honestly think that you’ll get a break in life soon…simply cause you seem like youre a genuine person which is sorta rare now-a-days…& it shows through all the people that follow your blog / story, etc.
Wish you luck in the future Alexis.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:21 pm
Hey Alexis, I’m a BIG fan of yours. I think you are a rare mix between book & street smart that’s hard to find. Why don’t you go to college, apply for financial aid, and live on campus?
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:25 pm
Okay, lets try this again. I know you’re probably not interested, but I figured I’d offer. I have a lot of clothes, especially tops, that I no longer wear. I don’t know if their your style and they probably aren’t your size (most are L) but I’m sure you could dry them a few times and they would shrink, or do something creative with them. *shrugs* I figure I’d try.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:25 pm
Hey Liyah, thanks for the compliment and suggestion. I can’t live on Campus…ugh. And I plan to go to school. Unfortunately, for now, school is put on the backburner because I have to survive first.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:26 pm
And I got mad kicks I don’t wear anymore, but their size 9 1/2, my big feet
.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:29 pm
Aww Manders, you so love me. Perhaps when I find some stability, decide where I’m going to LIVE, and have an actual address I’ll take you up on that offer.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Sounds good. Too bad I’m so big and you’re so tiny! Lol.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:34 pm
I’m not tiny ! I’m average. I’m a medium in mooost clothes.
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February 4th, 2010 at 1:14 am
i BEEN told alexis she could live with me yall….she dont want to, so eff her!
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February 4th, 2010 at 1:37 am
Nobody wanna live in that box w/ you Bretony ! It’s about time I have my own space.
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February 4th, 2010 at 1:57 am
aye im just lettin everybody know u got options, so you aint that pitifull. blah
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February 4th, 2010 at 2:24 am
This blog wasn’t structured in a way that called for sympathy though. I think people just empathize with the situation.
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February 4th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
I wish u were dead
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February 4th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
^ wtf? fuck outta here wit dat shit
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February 5th, 2010 at 1:19 am
dead? what did I do exactly?
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February 5th, 2010 at 3:45 am
I read your blog often and I don’t think that I have ever commented. But, it seems like this particular entry was written FOR me. I have never met or talked to someone who can actually understand the way that I feel about my current living situation(s). Its like, on the one hand, not knowing and the ‘thrill’ of waking up to something new everyday is fun – to a certain extent – but then reality sets in: ‘how am I eating for the next month?’ ‘where am I sleeping tonight?’ ‘how long will I be able to stay here?’
Sometimes looking back on the way I grew up, I wonder where I went wrong. What could I have done differently to prevent this happening to me. Now I know it was nothing of my doing, nor is my family to blame (as much as I would like to place ALL the blame on them – for being the fucked up sadistic individuals they are *sigh*) – life just has a funny way of testing us, and I know that I will not always be in this type of situation. And neither will you, you’re too smart and too talented to let this bump in the road keep you down. Keep ya head up Alexis – shit will get better – it just HAS to.
ps – you will NEVER need a pair of beige shoes – EVER lmao
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February 5th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
You never know Siedha !!!
And thanks.
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February 5th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
But don’t get it twisted. I’m still an avid follower of the posts you make here. I especially feel you on that last paragraph.
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February 6th, 2010 at 2:52 am
Alexis -
I was in the same position as yourself around this time last year. I’m sure I COULD have moved back home, but I chose not to and I don’t regret it. “Couch surfing” and not knowing what tomorrow brings helped me learn to stay on my toes and be prepared for whatever is thrown my way. It’s a beautiful struggle, and it gives you a great insight on life that other don’t have the pleasure of experiencing. It’s not peachy all the time, of course, but it def makes you appreciate what you have. Not to sound cocky, but it’s people like “us” who will eventually make a difference in the world. Why? Because we took NOTHING and made it into SOMETHING.
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March 10th, 2010 at 7:33 am
Loved this post. Im just getting through the “nomadic” period of my life. Im actually still camped out on my friends couch. I’ve moved all around.. ATL to DMV.. Back and forth for a few years. Granted I loved the different scenery, but the fact that I had to lose things along the way is lowkey depressing. Clothes, friends, money .. you name it I lost it . But I gained life experience. The “beautiful struggle” (( as the person above calls it )) is character building.
Thank you for writing this. Ive been trying to put those same feelings into words.
Lifestyle of a Hippie lol!! keep on writing!!
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March 31st, 2010 at 4:03 am
Hey love..
my other email is acting foo-gaze so email me the clothing bit to jarilyn.walker@gmail.com
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May 10th, 2010 at 3:59 am
I think im a nomad from my extensive anti social nature…..but even at the base of that….i think lies a distrust of the evil potential of men n women….the funny thing is i actually long for some1 that i can not have eyes on and worry about their intentions…
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July 20th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
I think that the end of the world will bring more than we can prepare for, but human nature still causes us to prepare. we should be preparing spiritually for the end!
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