I feel like my blog is a bunch of Carrie Bradshaw-esque columns as opposed to actual updates on what’s happening in my life. I guess that’s why the general consensus of me is so skewed. I usually don’t care what people think of me as long as it’s true but I hate when someones perception of me isn’t the way I actually am. Then again, perhaps being reclusive about what’s personal to me is who I am. Contrary to popular belief, I’m a pretty private person. I never volunteer an explanation to what’s going on in my life. You have to pry for the full story. Most people don’t. Which explains why I feel like most of my relationships with people aren’t reciprocal.

I’m constantly restraining from posting what I want because I’m trying to stick with whatever direction I thought this site was taking. I’m not only limiting myself by ostentatiously thinking things like ‘I can’t post fashion… I’m not a fashion blogger. I’m a writer. And all my entries must be profound.’ but I’m also denying my readers the chance to get to know all aspects of who I am. Yes, I’m a writer… and very analytical. But sometimes I’m completely random, silly and without depth. I want all of it to shine through this creative outlet of mine. Out with the old, and in with the new! Which called for a new layout!

Erm. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. I just edited my old wordpress theme. I came across a few sketches of Gaga one day, hunted down the artist, and found him on deviantart. He turned out to be this really amazing and talented kid from Australia who was more than happy to do a few sketches of me in his unique style. Thanks Scot! Then, the lovely Tiana Chanell offered to vector the drawing when she saw me struggling to find someone to help me with it. I love people who are just willing to help without expecting anything in return. I hope I did your sketch justice, Scot…and I thank you both for being a part of my journey. It’s great to see a simple idea I had in my head come to life, which is exactly what this layout is. I hope to see more of my ideas come to life… on a much grander scale, of course.

(The original drawing.)

Although, I’m not too big on Yoko Ono, (yea.. I’m one of those people who blame her for breaking up the Beatles and for them not performing at Woodstock -bitch!-), I do envy the love John had for her and can only pray that one day, someone feels this way about me.  This is one of my favorite questions John was ever asked an interview because his answer was unexpectedly sentimental and endearing. You shouldn’t need to be around the person you love 24/7….but you should want to.

I’ve always had an issue when it comes to drawing hands and it’s becoming such a burden. It’s just so difficult to capture the true essence of a hand so I always just start giving up when I get to them. And then I end up wanting to rip the entire sketch up because it feels incomplete. Then again an artist never really finishes his work; he merely abandons it.

‘My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.’ — Dalai Lama XIV

This is my first painting in nearly 10 years and I’m quite pleased. It’s pretty self-explanitory; the Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Islam, symbols and finally, the symbol for Peace. Which is what I believe in ;] This is also a possible future tattoo but my tat will be a bit different so before you all go copying, know that. Lol. I promised myself that I’d start focusing more on stimulating my creativity and brain and stop giving so much attention to stupid shit like twitter and facebook so expect to see a lot of my self-expression on this here blog. What do you all think?

When she needed you the most you came running to her rescue
Found her layin on the floor vulnerable, insecure and lost
Looked down and said ‘don’t worry little one, I’ll protect you’
And a once warm and welcoming heart quickly turned to frost

She built you up in hopes that someone would knock you down
And every other brick was a reminder of the pain
But the person she hoped would come along has not been found
So she only hopes she didn’t do it all in vain.

You kick her when she opens up and encourage her with every man she rejects
So she tries to push you away and let you know how much she hates you
For allowing you to grow so strong that it fills her soul with regrets
And now although she wants to, she can’t seem to escape you

You keep her sheltered  because you know the ways love could harm her
But being consumed with lonelieness also makes her suffer
She’s confined in solitude so what good is all the armor
If all it does is prevent anyone from ever being able to love her?

© alexis b.

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