I actually ranted about this on twitter earlier; (which I regret because I promised myself that if a tweet was over 140 characters, it wasn’t worth tweeting) but I’ll happily elaborate for you good ole’ folks. Earlier, I decided that I would start censoring my feelings and emotions on my circumstances and keep them bottled up and only speak out when I had something to boast about. I mean, it seems that’s what everyone else  is doing.  The reason why I came to this conclusion? Well I’m glad you asked, my friend! In the midst of packing my stuff for the inevitable, the fact that I have to move just so happened to be the predominant thought on my mind (understandable right?) so therefore I tweeted about it and how it’s stressing me. I got a million ‘you complain to fucking much’, ‘stfu, kids are walking around naked in Haiti’…geezlueeze!

People were even lashing out and calling me depressed. Yes I have depressed moments, as we all do, but my constant state is far from depressed; I’m actually a pretty content person. I looooove life. When I’m out & about tweeting about how much fun I’m having, no one ever says ‘you having too much fun; stfu’ or ‘you needa stop talking about what a good time you’re having, someone else out there has it better.’ But God for-fucking-BID, I post when I feel down; “All you do is complain.” Duh, I’m complaining, I don’t know where I’m going. Geez. I’m human. I’m allowed to contradict myself. I’m allowed to be happy one day and sad the next.  And it’s purely circumstance that lately,  I happen to have more bad days than good. Give me a break, people !

I watch people on the internet sit there and post a bunch of fashion they can’t afford and probably don’t have the fortitude and determination to actually walk out their house wearing. Day in and day out girls post their sephora and nars collections. Everybody is so quick to say ‘gearing up for friday night’ or ‘shopping with the bestie’ or anything that implies that they’re having a good time and no one ever objects. Apparently, on the internet – everybody’s living a fantabulous life, having amazing sex & I’m the only one with problems. Let me go flaunt my supposed ‘engagement ring’, my macbook, and post about nails and shoes all day – that will make ya’ll happy. According to the internet, ya’ll all lead perfect lives, travel often, stay g’d up from the feet up. Nobody faces financial hardship, struggles w/ healthcare, never had an orgasm, or been in PAIN period. It’s amazing.

Perhaps it’s just not acceptable to post the bad. And if you do, you MUST be seeking sympathy. How come it’s so acceptable to say ‘on my flight to Italy, so excited’ & not ‘paying some bills, depressed’ if theyre both REAL?  And don’t you dare admit to enduring domestic violence, incest, rape, or racism on the internet … all these little ugly things; we’re supposed to turn a blind eye to and pretend we’re not going through. Not just on the internet, in real life. Well I refuse, because to me, THAT is fake. I want to continue to stay real amidst a society that’s so materialistic. When you tell the truth, you get free. And you give onlookers the courage to get free too. I’m really living what I post, are you?

Feel free to discuss, please. I want other’s opinons.

I know you guys are patiently waiting for me to write something profound and obscure about love, growth and relationships like the good old days, and eventually, I will.  Just not today.  There just isn’t anyone in my life right now that evokes that kind of emotion to stir up enough passion within me to write. And quite frankly, a relationship is last on my priority list at this point in my life and merely means having someone to share pregnancy scares with. Not my cup of tea. I have bigger things to worry about…

As I browse the internet, I can’t help but wish the biggest problem in my life was my significant other, a frilly four letter word, or what color I’m going to paint my nails tonight. That’s not to imply that any of your problems are less important than mine, I just wish they were mine. I hate that the biggest thing on my mind is where I’m going to be living next week, (I’m honestly not sure yet), how I’m going to eat, etc. I know a lot of you complain about your parents, and I’m sure it IS difficult, but man, I’d KILL to have parents that allow me to live rent free as I go to school and work. That’s just so amazing. I’m def going to make sure my kids have that luxury before I even have any.

Being whimsical about life and couch surfing is fun at times. It always reminds me of what Jack said in Titanic – I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count. – And that’s exactly how I feel most times. Down to a tee.

But other times, it’s such a burden. My nomadic nature caused me to have extensive experience in making and losing friends. I keep emotions and friendships very detached.  I can just as easily walk out of your life if I’ve known you 10 years or 10 days. I attach myself to no one. Which is possibly why I’ll end up alone.

Not to mention the countless clothes, shoes, and belongings I lose from moving around so much. I need clothes!