Throwbacks
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Things in my life have been real stressful lately but I like the tension. Keeps me level headed. If everything was going good…then I’d be worried. Who really cares what I’m going through though. In the slums, people have way too many problems of their own to cultivate other people’s problems. It makes me not feel so bad about the fact that nobody really cares about my problems because I know in order to survive their own…they can’t. But it also makes me more unfeeling than I already am…it’s to the point that I’m numb to emotions for other people. I have never been so consumed with loneliness in my life. The scary part is…I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Because I’ve also never felt so strong and free in my life. It’s like being emotional and caring equals being weak to me…while being callous equals strength? Idk.
So as I’m laying in my bed, listening to this Joe Budden mixtape and smoking cigarettes to help pass time…I start doing some heavy thinking. I always get depressed when I think of what a long way to go I have to even be close to reaching my goals. But today I realized…even though I may have a long way to go, I’ve also came a long way. I’m not here because I fell down, I’m here because I got up.I’ve had the worst shit thrown my way, shit that would break the average person but I keep on standing on my own two feet. I go through a lot of pain, I see a lot of pain, and my life is a struggle. But I love it. It’s beautiful to me. It’s so real. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I literally LOVE all of the pain I’ve ever edured, in fact…I can’t wait to experience more. Pain is such a dominant feeling that when you feel other emotions, they’re that much sweeter. Who will appreciate true love the way that I will? I know I can’t even express the amount of pain I’ve endured but it’s got me feeling invincable because after it all…I’m still here!!! Nothing can stop me. With that said, I think I might get “La Lotta Bella” tatted on me. Fuck that trend, la bella vita. “The beatiful struggle” has more meaning to me.
My feet are tired
And the pain shows
There’s such a long way to go now
Such a long way to go
Gotta be strong
By myself now
Such a long road
My souls so cold
Weaken all my bones
But I gotta work hard
Just to reach my goal
Such a long way to go
So many miles left
But I’m here now





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