I really didn’t want to put this video up because the quality is so low and I hate putting anything out half-assed but since it’s such a quick update, I figured I’d give in just this once. It’s been a while since I’ve sat and talked to a camera like a crazy so excuse me if I sound a bit monotone; I felt uncomfortable. Don’t worry, I’ll get back into the groove of things soon enough though. I’m asking for advice so if you have a youtube, PLEASE reply on the actual video, (not here). If you don’t have a youtube, welp, comment here. I look forward to hearing all of your ideas! Oh and if there’s any spiffy webdesigners out there that change my site from what it is to being all of this, feel free to contact me. It’d be great exposure, I promise!

;]

I actually ranted about this on twitter earlier; (which I regret because I promised myself that if a tweet was over 140 characters, it wasn’t worth tweeting) but I’ll happily elaborate for you good ole’ folks. Earlier, I decided that I would start censoring my feelings and emotions on my circumstances and keep them bottled up and only speak out when I had something to boast about. I mean, it seems that’s what everyone else  is doing.  The reason why I came to this conclusion? Well I’m glad you asked, my friend! In the midst of packing my stuff for the inevitable, the fact that I have to move just so happened to be the predominant thought on my mind (understandable right?) so therefore I tweeted about it and how it’s stressing me. I got a million ‘you complain to fucking much’, ‘stfu, kids are walking around naked in Haiti’…geezlueeze!

People were even lashing out and calling me depressed. Yes I have depressed moments, as we all do, but my constant state is far from depressed; I’m actually a pretty content person. I looooove life. When I’m out & about tweeting about how much fun I’m having, no one ever says ‘you having too much fun; stfu’ or ‘you needa stop talking about what a good time you’re having, someone else out there has it better.’ But God for-fucking-BID, I post when I feel down; “All you do is complain.” Duh, I’m complaining, I don’t know where I’m going. Geez. I’m human. I’m allowed to contradict myself. I’m allowed to be happy one day and sad the next.  And it’s purely circumstance that lately,  I happen to have more bad days than good. Give me a break, people !

I watch people on the internet sit there and post a bunch of fashion they can’t afford and probably don’t have the fortitude and determination to actually walk out their house wearing. Day in and day out girls post their sephora and nars collections. Everybody is so quick to say ‘gearing up for friday night’ or ‘shopping with the bestie’ or anything that implies that they’re having a good time and no one ever objects. Apparently, on the internet – everybody’s living a fantabulous life, having amazing sex & I’m the only one with problems. Let me go flaunt my supposed ‘engagement ring’, my macbook, and post about nails and shoes all day – that will make ya’ll happy. According to the internet, ya’ll all lead perfect lives, travel often, stay g’d up from the feet up. Nobody faces financial hardship, struggles w/ healthcare, never had an orgasm, or been in PAIN period. It’s amazing.

Perhaps it’s just not acceptable to post the bad. And if you do, you MUST be seeking sympathy. How come it’s so acceptable to say ‘on my flight to Italy, so excited’ & not ‘paying some bills, depressed’ if theyre both REAL?  And don’t you dare admit to enduring domestic violence, incest, rape, or racism on the internet … all these little ugly things; we’re supposed to turn a blind eye to and pretend we’re not going through. Not just on the internet, in real life. Well I refuse, because to me, THAT is fake. I want to continue to stay real amidst a society that’s so materialistic. When you tell the truth, you get free. And you give onlookers the courage to get free too. I’m really living what I post, are you?

Feel free to discuss, please. I want other’s opinons.

I know you guys are patiently waiting for me to write something profound and obscure about love, growth and relationships like the good old days, and eventually, I will.  Just not today.  There just isn’t anyone in my life right now that evokes that kind of emotion to stir up enough passion within me to write. And quite frankly, a relationship is last on my priority list at this point in my life and merely means having someone to share pregnancy scares with. Not my cup of tea. I have bigger things to worry about…

As I browse the internet, I can’t help but wish the biggest problem in my life was my significant other, a frilly four letter word, or what color I’m going to paint my nails tonight. That’s not to imply that any of your problems are less important than mine, I just wish they were mine. I hate that the biggest thing on my mind is where I’m going to be living next week, (I’m honestly not sure yet), how I’m going to eat, etc. I know a lot of you complain about your parents, and I’m sure it IS difficult, but man, I’d KILL to have parents that allow me to live rent free as I go to school and work. That’s just so amazing. I’m def going to make sure my kids have that luxury before I even have any.

Being whimsical about life and couch surfing is fun at times. It always reminds me of what Jack said in Titanic – I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count. – And that’s exactly how I feel most times. Down to a tee.

But other times, it’s such a burden. My nomadic nature caused me to have extensive experience in making and losing friends. I keep emotions and friendships very detached.  I can just as easily walk out of your life if I’ve known you 10 years or 10 days. I attach myself to no one. Which is possibly why I’ll end up alone.

Not to mention the countless clothes, shoes, and belongings I lose from moving around so much. I need clothes!

I usually don’t upload rough mixes but I’m going to break my rule and do so tonight because once again, I’m giving you all the opportunity to witness the making of something big with me…oorrr you can all hop on the bandwagon later when everyone else does and I’m saying ‘I told you so.’…again. (IE Budden, Drake, Cole.)

Ever since I called out Maryland a couple years ago on youtube for their atrocious taste in hip hop, one of the most popular questions I’m constantly being asked is “Who is the best artist in the DMV?” and my answer is consistantly erratic and indecisive. I’ve always aimlessly threw out names like Kendall Elijah, Los, Extra, Lyriciss, etc just to avoid saying the obvious, Wale. (Whom as you all know, I’m not particularly fond of.) All of them are niice, but I’ve been lying to ya’ll, the BEST rappers artists in the DMV are…..drumroll please…SUPA and Omega. There, I said it. Bold statement, eh? Well I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t make such gallant declarations. Don’t get mad, just prove me wrong.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Although, I’m not too big on Yoko Ono, (yea.. I’m one of those people who blame her for breaking up the Beatles and for them not performing at Woodstock -bitch!-), I do envy the love John had for her and can only pray that one day, someone feels this way about me.  This is one of my favorite questions John was ever asked an interview because his answer was unexpectedly sentimental and endearing. You shouldn’t need to be around the person you love 24/7….but you should want to.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said “To talk of many things: Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax– Of cabbages–and kings.” … No seriously, the time has come for a New Year and growth. Not change; because change insinuates you can change back. You can never grow smaller though. And for the love of God, please feel free to save your trendy “you can make a resolution any day of the year” for the next blogger, Captain Obvious. I can’t hate on 2009 the way I was sticking my middle finger up at 2008 this time last year, because although my situation hasn’t gotten much better; this year has been full of self-discovery. I’ve learned so much about who I am, what I want and what’s important to me. I still have a long way to go, but I’ve come a long way too. I know what I like and dislike about myself and therefore, know what I’d like to work on. Most of my resolutions, I refuse to broadcast publicly, but here goes some of the basic ones…

Allow my creativity to flourish. As a kid, I had such a passion to explore and discover and create. I would have an idea or vision and act on it immediately. I was writing poetry, drawing, inventing and just sharpening my imagination daily. Then the internet and television took over my life and then I had more superficial shit to do on those rainy days, like spruce up my myspace or catch a Laguna Beach marathon than perfecting my artistry. Eventually that ingenuity and originality will fade completely so I have to catch it while I still have the chance.

Learn. I also used to be a complete bookworm. I was one of the few kids in the class thrilled to go to the library and devoured any literature I could get my hands on. I was like a sponge soaking up knowledge. But as you get older, that desire to see everything and know everything startes to vanish and before you know it, you’re so stuck in your beliefs that you’re unable to even consider others. And since being open-minded is my forte, I just can’t allow that to happen ;]

Be more sociable. So I stole this one? Sue me. Being such a fan of “social” media and NYnight life does not mean that I’m actually a sociable person. In fact, if the social setting is not a club or lounge in the city, you’ll probably find my face buried in my blackberry acting like a complete elitist because I’m a New Yorker…and soooooo above anything else :\ I don’t intentionally act this way, it just happens. I’d like to work on mastering the “art” of keeping in touch and keeping up on what’s going on with my friends and acquaintances.

Separate private life and public life. It never occurs to me that I’m being way too open on the internet until some stranger throws everything in my face like ‘omg that’s why you’re poor, your dopefiend parents don’t want you and you’re dying!’ I need to work on keeping the personal stuff personal and censoring myself. Not only am I giving people ammo for this ’shit to use against Alexis’ file in their brains, they’re perception of me is always way off. Clearly, I’m not on twitter when I’m having a superb time saying how much fun I’m having because, uh…maybe I’m enjoying life or something crazy like that. I rans when I’ve just received bad news or I need to vent. I guess this makes it seem like all I do is complain. But in reality, I appreciate every stupid little moment of my life a lot more than the average person. I find beauty in every taste, smell, or experience I encounter. People have even gone as far as to call me suicidal. Me?! Yes ME! The same chick who is terrified of death. As if I could ever end my life! I’m far too curious to even consider it.

Oh & no soda, slim down, take more pictures and and less drugs. Bye.